I’m going to open myself up here more than I typically would, so here it goes.
Having young kids (and previously, a full-time job as a physician) takes practically all of one’s time and well-being. It is constantly giving myself to other people so that they may succeed and feel good. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my kids more than anything in the ENTIRE world. It is my primary objective in life to grow strong, independent, well-rounded and kind humans. But still, something lacks for me. I miss having a purpose and goals that are just my own. Training for races shows me that I can do hard things, it reminds me that I am worthy of feeling good about myself. Plus, I love being a role model for my girls and showing them that it’s fun to be strong and healthy and fit, especially as a woman.
If you really know me, perhaps you remember that I ran the Disney Marathon back in January of 2023. It was a ton of fun, and left me yearning for more. I signed up for the Marine Corps Marathon in October of that year. But life had other plans. The timing of that marathon became too congested with the timing of our move back to the States after living overseas for the Navy. I pushed my registration back a year. I was ready to hit the ground running and start training for the Marine Corps Marathon in October of 2024. I signed up for a few half marathons along the way, and thought it would be great practice for the big marathon at the end.
Well, it all crashed and burned. Halfway into the year, I felt worse than I had ever felt in my life physically. Running was miserable. I was logging all these miles but my paces were slower than ever and it seemed my body could never quite recover. I was exhausted. A lot of this was in conjunction with the burnout I was getting from my long work days as well. But it didn’t matter. I wasn’t enjoying exercise, which is something that has kept me grounded through all other phases of my life. Something was wrong. I decided to quit training, and backed out of the Marine Corps Marathon.
Now I finally have my feet under me again, and am truly excited to push my fitness goals. But alas, there is still something else holding me back…
We want another baby. My husband and I have been trying for a third baby for the past 8 or 9 months now. We felt confident it would happen easily as we were (thankfully) very blessed with our first two. But unfortunately, it is just not happening for us yet. And now I feel stuck at the fork in the road. Should I go all in trying to conceive? Maybe talk with an OBGYN and discuss some treatments? I am, after all, 35 years old… Or should I take a breather and just sign up for the races. Stop stressing so much on conception and have some fun? Let my body do its thing and see what happens?
Shocking as it may seem, I type this because I’m pretty sure I have made my decision. It’s the latter. I think I’m going to sign up for some races in the fall, and have fun throwing myself into training. I’m not going to stop trying for a baby, but I do want to take the focus off of it for a minute. I want to allow myself the space to pour into my own cup again before adding another to the mix. Of course, if we get pregnant again that would be the blessing of all blessings. But if I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that I can’t wait for something I hope will happen and put the rest of my life on hold.
So what races will I sign up for? I want to one of the half marathons I signed up for last year and bailed. It is a mostly downhill race in the middle of the mountains and is supposed to be superbly beautiful. That is at the end of August. Then 2 weeks later, I want to race in an Olympic distance triathlon that is here locally. Just for fun! Don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted. But that’s all for today.
